Sam & Ilsa's Last Hurrah

One

ILSA

My brother is way too obsessed with our grandma s sex life.

I think Czarina has taken a lover, Sam says, holding out his hand to me. Spatula. Stat. My job is to maximize the chef s surgical efficiency by passing him the gadgets he requests. I hand him the spatula. That s an egg-­turner spatula. The spoon spatula, Ilsa, he says, like it s so obvious. Observe!

I look at his bowl, filled with cheese and spinach. Seems like any old spatula could work in that bowl, but if it were up to me, we d order takeout from Zabar s and not bother with DIY cooking at all. Sam s an amazing cook. But all that work! No, thank you. He gets me for a half hour as sous-­chef, and the rest of the meal is on him. My job is planning fabulousness, not catering it. I should have been the gay man, not my twin brother.

I hand Sam the spoon spatula. What makes you think Czarina has taken a lover?

She s gone to Paris three times in the last six weeks.

She s a fashion buyer. That s her job.

There s something different about these trips. I feel it. Did you notice how . . . nice she seems when she gets back? It s upsetting.

What are you really upset about? That she s been nice, or that she took Mom and Dad and not you to Paris with her for the weekend? I love when Czarina goes away and lets us use her apartment. Then I get to be the queen of her castle, and not have to share Sam with her.

That s the thing! She never takes Mom and Dad anywhere. Says they re bourgeois bores.

I love em, but they kind of are.

Don t be bitchy.

Don t ask me to be anything other than who I am.

Sam laughs, then raises an eyebrow at me. Aren t you just a little concerned? Czarina even said we didn t have to leave her bedroom door locked. Of all the dinner parties she s let us host in her apartment, her one and only strict rule has been ­and here Sam mimics Czarina s gangster-­worthy growl ­ no teenage miscreants shall miscreant in my bedroom.

Yeah, that

Rachel Cohn is the author of critically acclaimed YA novels Very LeFreak, You Know Where to Find Me, Cupcake, Shrimp, Gingerbread, and Beta. A graduate of Barnard College, she lives and writes in Los Angeles.

When not writing during spare hours on weekends, David Levithan is editorial director at Scholastic and the founding editor of the PUSH imprint, which is devoted to finding new voices and new authors in teen literature. His acclaimed novels Boy Meets Boy and The Realm of Possibility started as stories he wrote for his friends for Valentine's Day (something he's done for the past 22 years and counting) that turned themselves into teen novels. He's often asked if the book is a work of fantasy or a work of reality, and the answer is right down the middle it's about where we're going, and where we should be.

"It is purely a pleasure to see these characters bounce off one another." VOYA, starred review

"The duo excels at creating witty characters who deal with real-life struggles in heartwarming, humorous ways" Publishers Weekly

"A satisfying blend of entertaining quirkiness and thought-provoking wisdom for teens on the brink of what s next." Bulletin